Kids and Dieting

I am not sure how long this post is going to be, because 1) I am running out of time to write today, 2) I have about a billion other things I need to be doing...all at the same time, 3) my head feels like it is going to explode and 4) I am in such a negative mood right now, I am not sure I can handle this subject with as much grace and aplomb as I think it requires.  So, this may be part 2 of 3 or that third part may just come down the road sometime later.  We'll see.

So, I think I left off with my ever-evolving personal views on dieting and my struggle to overcome my obsession with those freaking 20 pounds that I was trying to lose all those years ago.  My last known dieting success, as I mentioned in the previous post Food is Awesome. Dieting is Not., was on the Best Life Diet by Bob Greene.  At the height of my obsession and rigidity with that diet, my daughters were four and two, respectively.  I thought that whatever I was doing, it wasn't affecting them.  You know, because having a mother who is chronically depressed because she can't have a margarita or chips and salsa doesn't affect them at all.  Duh.  I guess I thought that because I never (and I mean NEVER) called myself names (fat, overweight, etc.) I was not making an indelible, negative impression upon their little female psyches.  I was wrong in so many ways.

When my oldest daughter was in first grade (7 years old), I got pregnant with my son and was hugely so when she started telling my husband and me that she wanted to go on a diet because she was fat.  She said she didn't like that her "tummy stuck out" and was "round, instead of flat".  I was horrified, not just because this little girl was so perfect in my own eyes, but because she is (without a hint of mother's pride) a beautiful and, frankly, beautifully made little girl.  She is tall, athletic and thin and has been since the chubbiness of toddler hood began to give way to her father's natural runner's genetics (thank God for that, because she sure didn't get it from me!).  We explained to her over and over and over again that she was just as God wants her; her size was completely proportional; she had no need to diet; etc, etc.  We ended up taking her to the pediatrician, in the hopes that her doctor could talk some sense into her.  We found out, during the course of that conversation, that she thought I was fat - even though she could remember what I looked like before the pregnancy and even though she was fully aware that her baby brother was growing inside of my belly.  It was a wake-up call.  I knew that, even if I was going to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I had to do so in a positive way, without labeling it as true "dieting".  I also thought it was an isolated incident, but when my younger daughter, now also 7 years old, came home a couple of months ago claiming that she needed to be on a diet, well....I just about had a stroke.  Anyone who has seen that child knows that there is not an ounce of spare flesh on her entire body.  She is pure muscle and is amazing to watch perform physically (she can rock climb and practices martial arts).  She is also a child who I used to say lives on air [rather than actual food].  (She is not necessarily a particularly picky eater at this point, but she is stubborn as the rocks she climbs.  If she doesn't want to eat something, she will just flat out refuse to do so.  Threats, bribes, etc have NEVER worked for her.  She also has a really sensitive gag reflex.  When I have forced her to eat something she hates - i.e. spinach - I usually end up cleaning up her self-induced vomit.  Not worth it, I tell you.)

So, both of my girls have already started having self-esteem and body image issues.  This is with me setting the "good" example of exercising every day and eating well.  This is with me refusing to denigrate myself by using words to describe my waist size, my butt size, the number on the scale, etc, whether privately or in front of them.  This is with me doing everything that I thought was right.  Maybe we just can't win this battle - our society is so beyond obsessed with outward appearances that it may just not be possible to raise children, female children especially, without doing battle with a nebulous idea of what you "should" or "should not" look like.  I think it sucks, but then again, I think a lot of things suck right now.  My thoughts and prayers are with the city of Boston, with the runners in yesterday's marathon and especially with those that lost so much during the horrific attack.  My heart breaks for the parents of the little boy, so close to my own daughters' ages, who came to see his dad set a good example for his own children, and lost his life for being in the wrong place at exactly the wrong time.  God bless you all and may you find the peace and healing that you so deserve.