Memories Overlaid

Based on the fact that I have started quite a number of my posts with an apology (more to myself than to anyone else), I am not going to do that today. I would indeed be remiss if I didn't at least say that I wish that more time had been available to me the past three weeks so that I could write about some of the many things that have been going on. It has been a whirlwind of cakes, baby showers, bridal showers, school work, bachelorette parties, moving assistance, kids, marriage, life - I have so many things to say about all of that, but today I wanted to write about a couple of other things. If you all will indulge me a little, just for today, I am not going to write about food directly. I know this is a food blog and all, but I wanted to write about a journey that I have been on for the past several years. Here goes and, I promise, next time it will be back to good food/cakes/products as per the usual around here.

I know I have mentioned before that I am a culinary student and I am proud to announce that today is my very last day of culinary school. In addition to being gifted the joy that is scrubbing the kitchen this afternoon, I also am attending my graduation ceremony tonight. (Man, do I wish I didn't have to pull a Clark Kent and change in the ladies room at school this afternoon. That is NOT fun.) Today is the culmination of three years of hard work, juggling school and home life, and I am pleased that those years have paid off for me in so many ways. I have learned so much about myself and I have made a lot of great friends, so despite my ecstatic exclamation that I AM GRADUATING, I will actually miss school and all that entails.

Now, many of you may not know this about me, but I am a numbers/dates freak. My family routinely makes fun of me for remembering random dates and happenings, but something about keeping track of my personal history and important days in my mind is soothing and logical to me. I love it when I can plan major life events around that personal history - somehow imbuing the new event with weight and meaning before it even occurs. For instance, our tenth wedding anniversary is next week. We chose that day, originally, to fall close to my grandfather's birthday and were really excited when we realized that my husband graduated college five years ago on that date, and I began working at the store where we would eventually meet on that exact date as well. Both events led to us meeting and, eventually, getting married. (Did I forget to mention that my husband is almost as bad as I am about this kind of stuff?) In any case, May 13th is yet another of those dates for me.

Six years ago, at almost this exact time, I was lying on an operating table having a craniotomy to remove a massive brain tumor. I was 25 years old, had an 8-month old daughter and was not sure if I would wake up to the knowledge that I had brain cancer, major neurological impairments, a massive change in personality or even at all following the surgery. Fortunately for me, my surgery was about as successful as neurosurgery can be. I was still the same person (albeit with a massive scar and a really wicked haircut), I was completely cancer free and, best of all, I was alive and healthy. Everything changed for me after May 13th, 2004 and my life would not be what it is today without having had that experience.

Fast forward about three years, another beautiful baby girl and lots of amazing life later, and I was facing down the first day of culinary school. Now, for those who don't know me, I am a worrier and I mean in the extreme sense. Although it was not unusual to see me running through the neighborhood on a daily basis, (and still is not), it was a little unusual that I had woken up well before the break of dawn that first day of culinary school and was so full of nervous energy that I had to channel it in a positive manner or run the risk of making myself completely sick. So, I ran. I ran as hard as I could, all the while thinking to myself, "you CAN do this. You CAN go back to school and you CAN learn to be a professional chef." I remember thinking these exact words, "you have survived BRAIN surgery. You can do THIS. Showing up for class is easy compared to that." I made it through the run and through the day, only to feel like I was going to hyperventilate the moment I stepped onto campus that evening, but I plunked myself down in a chair and, ultimately, kicked ass in that class (Viticulture and Enology - where my incredibly near-photographic memory allowed me to earn my first of all "A's" in culinary school).

So, tonight when I walk across the stage to accept my second college degree, an Associates of Applied Sciences in Culinary Arts, I will be thinking about not only how I survived brain surgery six years ago today, but also how I survived culinary school for the past three years. Like I said, I have learned so much about myself - my confidence is fairly unflappable and those little voices of self-doubt have long since quieted down. Here's the long and short of it: I learned, through brain surgery and through the gauntlet that is learning how to be in a professional kitchen, that I am a bit of a badass. I was once nervous about even walking into a commercial kitchen and now I know that I belong in one. I once didn't know how I was going to bake/transport/set up 200 cupcakes and now I create amazing custom cakes whose designs rival those of some pretty amazing pastry chefs. I used to take my health, my brain, my memory, my scholastic aptitude all for granted and now, I am in fantastic shape, graduating with a 4.0 GPA and am profoundly grateful for every day I am given. My children, my husband, my family and my friends should all share this accomplishment with me. You all were there when it was a matter of life or death and you were all there when it became a matter of following my dream. I would not have been able to accomplish any of this without your love, faith and support and for that, I am deeply, humbly grateful. Thanks to everyone out there for indulging me this post and look for new items regarding my food-life after culinary school very soon.