Very Little to Do with Food

As the title suggests, I have a feeling that this post will have very little to do with food today.  I apologize for that and I apologize if I offend anyone because this may get a little opinionated (though I will try to keep it civil and apolitical).  This is, however, my blog and I have decided that I will write what is in my heart today, rather than trying to make myself stick to my overall theme.  You have been warned, so if you don't want to hear my thoughts and opinions, please stop reading.

I want to say how horribly my heart aches for the families of the children and adults lost on Friday in Connecticut.  Though I don't consider myself to be a particularly religious person, I have and will continue to pray for that community and especially for those whose hearts can never be fully healed from such a tremendous loss.  

I seemed to have been in a bit of a news bubble on Friday, as I belatedly found out about those tragic events minutes before I was to go pick my own two elementary-age daughters up from school.  I saw comments written on Facebook and immediately turned on the TV to see the President of the United States speaking haltingly while wiping away tears, as he described what had taken place.  I lost it and started crying.  I kept crying after I picked my kids up from school, as I relayed the information to several friends on the school's playground.  I stopped crying when we started talking about everything that happened, the conversation quickly alighting on the wonderfully friendly topics of gun control and religious expression.  My sadness seemed to quickly give way to anger and frustration and I allowed those emotions to cloud a conversation with women that I consider to be my friends, but who hold very different opinions on those subjects.  Since then, my emotions have been all over the place, and I have been thinking, wondering, hoping, trying to make some sense not only of the national tragedy, but also of my place in a society that is far more conservative than I will ever be.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how isolated I often feel here in rural/suburban Texas, especially when it comes to hot button topics, and I spent a good amount of time feeling that I was completely powerless to make any real change, both in my own community and in a much broader and more far-reaching sense.  Oddly enough, I do feel that this relates to my blog theme - my interest in the quality of my family's food and the future of our global food supply is also something that I frequently feel overwhelmed and isolated by; I often find myself questioning whether or not I am making a real difference for my family and if we, by our purchasing power alone, are making a real difference in how our foods are grown and prepared for consumption.  My heart, despite its recent roller-coaster of emotions, has ultimately been telling me for some time now that I need to find a way to make a tangible contribution to our society and my grief over the loss of life on Friday was starting to spin off in a negative and unproductive direction.

A couple of conversations and one Facebook post have started moving my thinking to a much more positive sphere.  First, a friend posted on Facebook the suggestion that we honor the memories of those lost by offering deliberate actions of love and kindness.  Though some of the previous postings (mostly along the lines of gun owners praising the second amendment) had my blood pressure rising and my fingers itching to respond to some of the more inflammatory comments, I read her sentiment and found my desire to argue somewhat quelled.  I had a phone conversation with a friend in regards to a completely unrelated topic, which would require us to approach the administration of the elementary school for help with a program we chair.  She suggested that we needed to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem and to shape our ideas and our presentation within that frame of reference.  She also suggested that we will find success with our venture even if we only touch the life of one other person.  I found both of those comments to be intriguing and immediately started framing my thoughts about that particular topic in a different way.  Finally, I had two separate discussions, one with friends and one with my mother, in which I expressed my anger and frustration at my ideological isolation.  In both discussions, in two very distinct manners, it was suggested to me that perhaps those with viewpoints opposing my own felt very much the same and that they were isolated only by their belief that anyone from the opposite side of the discussion would be willing to hear what they have to say, let alone find room for compromise.  All of these separate instances provoked me into thinking: what if my problems, my disillusionment, my frustration at my inability to contribute to something larger than myself.....what if all these begin and end with me? 

I think it will take some more time to assimilate all of my thoughts into something more concrete than just purely positive thinking, but I have to say that it is a start.  After I realized (though the realization should have come more as a "duh", rather than what feels like a greater epiphany) that I have power and control over my own thoughts and thus over my own situation, I felt a giant wash of relief.  I felt a measure of the peace that I want to share with others in honor of the children for whom I so bitterly wept.  I felt like, regardless of what I do and regardless of whether I change the world, I can act by myself in love and in the name of progress.  I can be part of the solution of compromise, rather than perpetuating the problem of discord.  I can do these things and still offer my friendship to those who disagree with me.  Their disagreement does not determine anything about me or even about our relationship, simply because I am following what I know to be my truth.  They can follow theirs and I can accept that.  I can make choices for my own family - big choices of religious practice and the more mundane choices of what I cook for dinners this week.  I am making the difference that I crave in the lives of my children and my husband and they are who need me to make that difference the most.  As my friend said, if I touch one life, my efforts will not have been wasted and I already know that I have touched four.  If I reach one person with this writing effort, I will count this too as a success.  Even if I don't, I feel better for having shared my thoughts.  To anyone who is reading this: thank you for indulging me and I think you will find a renewed commitment to food and the feeding of a family next time you read.  Until then, I think we should all take my friend's advice:  "what if we said or did kind, loving things in the name of peace for all the families in Connecticut?"  What if, indeed?